Say Something
by Pokiepup
Summary: Takes place after 3x09 and just before 3x10. Prompt by Inevitable1 told from Lauren's POV,


**A.N. **Written at request of Inveitable1, thank you for the challenge hope it's something like you imagined.

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_**Say Something**_

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A thousand cons scribbled on a piece of paper, a hundred '_friendly'_ reminders, a dozen scars etched into my heart accompanied by a dozen fresh wounds never seem to stand up to the meek argument of '_I love her,'_

So why is it she is sprawled out in my bed next to an empty spot which I occupy rather than string through a frosted window out onto a deserted street that reminds me more of myself than I care to contemplate on?

Why is it that suddenly those logically scribbled words and '_friendly'_ reminders are beginning to win an illogical argument?

Why is it that my, '_I love her'_ is suddenly not as big of a comfort to my unfading scars and fresh wounds?

I can't help but smirk at the notion, until her I had no illogical arguments—at least not in a very long time. I think I had even begun to forget what one was—well when pertaining to myself.

It was so simple before her, so easy and uncomplicated—it's not to say that I was happy, it was just easier.

I knew what to do, before the Fae I was on the run living my life and doing what I wanted so to speak—I knew where I stood and what was expected of me. When I became enslaved I knew then too, apart from being told like some dog my every liberty I was also searching for something to save Nadia—simple in the terms of knowing what was expected, in terms of knowing where I stood.

Then she came.

I didn't compete with anyone for someone's affection let alone a semi-unstable, overly alpha, jackass who cannot differentiate the meaning between wolf and shifter. Now here I was in a near three year passive aggressive, occasionally not so passive competition for her affection-attention, trust, friendship, lust-love.

I didn't tolerate people's shit unless absolutely necessary yet here I was for three years putting up with insults, jabs, disrespect and belittlements at every turn—that's just from our—her immediate circle.

I didn't accept being cheated on whether official or semi-official and here I was for three years turning a blind eye and then finally just flat out accepting it. Sure I gave my one rule as to pretend I had some level of respect still-she broke that and apparently took my acceptance of her needing to feed as a pass to kiss random women.

I loved Nadia, wasn't in love with her but I loved her so I know the meaning of compromise in a relationship but I had never once lost my pride, never once bended my core values to the point where they broke into not two but several pieces.

Was this what being in love really felt like?

Why does it not look the same on her?

She was in-love with me wasn't she?

Was that the problem, was she not really as in-love with me as she made it seem?

To me she is a beautiful nightmare-an unsolvable equation, I never know honestly what she is feeling or what she is thinking but I can't help the desire to wait out the horror, wait out all of the wrong answers just to find the truth—to find the remarkable beauty.

I look over at the nightstand, inside the drawer is a long, thin box with a necklace accompanied by a note-don't know if I'll ever give it to her now. Took me such a long time to find something that would go with her style, that I thought she would love, a symbol of my affection that she wouldn't mind wearing—the note took a second to write, it was words I had wanted to say aloud yet never felt comfortable saying. I had wanted the moment to be special, one of those memory making moments because honestly—we don't have a lot of them.

But with the way things have gone as of late-it may be one of those things that just fall into a box in the back of my closet, may even end up throwing it out.

I'm not stupid, I know we aren't a normal couple—we can never be a normal couple.

After all we can't even be one of those cheesy couples who say '_forever'_ because well forever is a possibility for her while for me it's a laughable word. I wonder if she will remember me—us in seventy or eighty years or by that time with me and Kenzi long gone will she finally fully embrace the Fae, leaving us-leaving me a distance memory—maybe even by that point I will be chalked up to as a mistake.

We can never have a fully committed relationship, I told her I didn't want her to tell me about the feedings but I can smell them on her from time to time, I can see how she is so depleted one minute and suddenly fit as a fiddle an hour later. I wish I could be one of those women who could completely turn a blind eye to these things, after all there are women who never once suspect a thing no matter how blatant the infidelity—it's just not me.

Our memories will never be those of regular people, our dates are outings to save lives and often there are other people with us. Sometimes we'll get an '_alone date'_ which is her stopping by the lab to get information or me stopping by her apartment to give her some.

She'll never truly know me because we don't take the time to really have a discussion nor does she make a conscious effort to dig into my past—but that one may actually rest on the fact that she is running from hers and perhaps she realizes the same of me—perhaps I make too many excuses for her.

Eyes shifting back out onto the street.

It would be so easy to just go. Pack a bag and go—there is a flight to London in twenty-four hours, one to Costa Rica in twenty-eight hours, one to Australia in thirty-six. Could rule out flights all together and drive down to the states, no one would think to look for me there—never showed any interest in going there. Maybe find a boat of some kind, sail to Alaska—I don't mind the cold.

I'd be leaving behind all of my stuff, my collectables and books and clothes I couldn't carry—I'd have to leave behind my phone and computer and lab equipment along with my allowances.

I would be leaving her as well.

Would she notice?

Would she care?

Would she look?

Would she…..

"What are you doing?" strong arms wrapping around my waist pulling me back against her, warm breath on my neck making it through messy strands of hair.

"Thinking."

"You're always thinking."

"Everyone is always thinking Bo, the brain never stops—at least while you are still breathing—and—"

"Mmm, you are very awake." She mumbles while kissing my shoulder. "How long have you been thinking?"

"A bit,"

"You should have woken me," kisses down my shoulder. "We could have been thinking together."

"I needed to actually think Bo."

"You don't think I could actually think?" she chuckles, the tip of her nose tickling me but it doesn't earn a smile from me, instead it's just another piece of wood being added to the fire in the pit of my stomach. "Why doctor, I am offended." Another chuckle as she kisses back up to my neck.

"It's not that," I tighten myself bit in her embrace; it takes a conscious effort considering my body yearns for her touch every single second of the day. "It was thinking—thinking I needed to do alone."

"Science stuff?" she mumbles almost excited as her hands drift slowly apart across my stomach to my hips. She is hoping for her affectionately dubbed '_geek-speak'_.

"No."

"Then?"

"I was thinking," my voice breaks on its own, an unconscious action to ask me if I really want to do this. The pain in my heart and tears in my eyes telling me to embrace her touch, to get lost in her passion and it will be better when I awake. "About-us."

"Hm," kisses to the starting of my spine. "Naughty thoughts hopefully,"

"No."

"Lauren," she lets out but I hear the change in her voice.

I wonder what did it—what made her catch something was off. Had her mind just finally woken enough? Had she realized I wasn't responding to her affection? Had my definite no given me away? Had she noticed the tears slipping down my cheeks in the shadowy reflection of an icy window?

"Lauren," she repeats and the sleep that once laced her voice is nearly gone in a matter of moments.

Her entire body tensing against me before her hands slip from my hips and she takes a single step back and then another. I know it's only two because I can still feel her presence hovering over me but I can hear the subtle creaks of the wood. It is only a small distance but it feels like we're miles apart-how symbiotic.

I can see her reflection slightly in the glass but my eyes stay locked with my own, staring into eyes that I don't recognize anymore—except for the tears of course, because God knows I know them all too well.

"Say something,"

"I'm giving up on you."

"Wh—what?"

"I'm not happy, but you—you are."

"Yeah," she sounds so confused, as if she doesn't understand why this is a problem. "After the Dawning I feel new Lauren, I want to be happy." She doesn't understand. "I wanna live, I wanna travel the world," I can't travel unless it's running—she doesn't get it, just proving my point further. "But I only wanna do that with you" she sounds so hopeful—it hurts so much.

"I'm so tired Bo." My voice trembling to the point I am surprised she can even understand me. "These last few years with the Fae I," my eyes flutter shut as I try to keep the little dignity I have left and attempt to hold the waterfall of tears threatening to spill over—I was the one doing this—so why was I crying? "The Gurruda and Nadia, I feel like I am losing myself."

"Well I—don't want you to feel that way." She sounds so confused, so lost. "I want you to feel amazing, I want you to feel the way that I feel whenever I'm with you." If it didn't hurt so much I'd have to laugh, it's now she decides to tell me something—anything about how she feels—how very Bo of her. "You just tell me what you need babe, I'll do anything."

"I think that we need a break,"

"From us?" I've never heard two words lace with so much agony—except maybe my own.

"I am so sorry Bo, but I think that I am always going to be asking of you more than you can give to me."

"Wh—what are you talking about? You don't ask me for anything—you don't even ask me for a ride anywhere or for me to bring you lunch or—or anything." I shouldn't have to ask. "Lauren," her voice dancing between breaking and a sense of harshness at the fact she doesn't understand—she hates that.

"Bo, please just—"

"Turn around," she says it softly but I think that's more because she is trying not to cry rather than trying to be gentle. "Lauren, turn around." A bit more base this time—I do, I turn around keeping my eyes closed and leaning back against the window, hands gripping to the chilled ledge.

"I—I understand," she takes a step forward and I hold my breath. "I'll give you space, of course you're tired, you've just been through hell that's all." I just nod since my voice has escaped me at the moment. "And it has been all about me, we need to focus on you." Her voice is trembling now—I don't have the courage to open my eyes to see if she is crying. "To make you the priority." She takes another step and I feel her hands reach out stopping just before my arms—I think she is dropping them but then I feel them on my face. "And if space is what you want then—" her voice failing, her fingertips meeting each other at the back of my neck, thumbs laying over my jaw. "You take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

I squeeze my eyes tighter as I feel the tears slipping through despite my best efforts; the breath escaping me in the form of a whimper-God why was this so hard?

"This is just a break—right?" I hear her tears and I try to turn away but her embrace prevents it. "Lauren look at me-say something." She demands through a plea.

"I—I can't." I manage to force out through a labored breath, the pain in my chest becoming more than emotional with every passing second that I try to keep my tears from falling.

"Tell me-just-tell me what you—"

"I told you I need space." My eyes open to half mass, a welled sum of tears slipping down my cheeks as I do.

"Wh—why does your space sound like a breakup?"

Because it is-I don't need to say it, my tiny whimper and new rush of tears gives her all the answer she needs.

"Wh—I don't—Lauren I understand that I've been a little—distracted with the Dawning but—I meant what I said. We need to just take time and focus on you—make this all about you because I love focusing on you and I've just-let that slip and—" she reminds me of a child the way she pleads, the way her features scrunch and un-scrunch as she tries to control her tears.

"It's not that simple," my hands wrap round her wrists-this usually happens when we kiss so it's not completely unexpected when memories of our kisses rush to the forefront of my mind causing my hands to tremble despite my grip on her. "It's—too late for that and it's—it's not just about that."

"Then what?" another desperate yet hopeful plea. "Just tell me—just tell me and I'll fix it."

"You—can't fix this Bo."

"Don't say that!" she yells jerking her hands back. "Don't say that." She repeats with more conviction but less volume. "Please."

"I thought I could do this-I thought I was strong enough but I can't."

"Th—the feeding? That's what this is about? Cause we can—we can dedicate time to just poking and prodding me. We-we can spend this whole weekend just in the lab coming up with new serums, well I'll just be the lab rat you will do the brilliant stuff but yeah," she sniffles, hand running through her hair. "I want to do that and you know what else—with your connects and Hale's we can find an old succubus and maybe get some better pointers—like-like—well I don't know because if I did we wouldn't be here but," she snorts out a nervous chuckle, tears still running down her swollen cheeks.

"Bo-please stop it's-"

"Not just that?" her jaw clenching, base returning. "Okay—what else? Keep em' coming."

"It's not this simple Bo, I can't just—"

"I deserve an answer-I deserve to know why—"

"Why? You **deserve** to know why what?" this time it's my voice that raises as I take a step forward to which she takes one back. "Tell me why you deserve anything from me right now Bo." She almost stumbles a step back, lips parting but no words coming as her eyes widen. She is just as shocked at my words as I am.

"Lauren—"

"It's not about the fact that you need to feed-I can deal with that-I think. It hurts and at times I's unbearable but I can take it because I love you so much. What I can't take is cheating-I can't take the ones that come with emotional ties."

"This is about Dyson?" she is just as angry now as she is hurt-good-it will hurt less—if I had any sense I would turn this into something that would require screaming and anger—it would hurt so much less. She shakes her head taking another step back. "I promised you and I haven't touched him since."

"It's not just that."

"Jesus Christ Lauren, fucking be honest and tell me what is happening right now."

"I know about Tamsin, I know that you kissed her and that there was no feeding. I know that she has feelings for you and you do nothing to put a boundary there. I know that Dyson is still in love with you and that you still favor him-again there is no boundary. They have these notions, these ideas-they behave a certain way because they know I am human and I can't do anything. I can't get into a fight with either one of them if I wanted to—I couldn't do anything because I am human. So that, those boundaries that **need** to be there to let them know that it isn't okay to do certain things needs to be made known by you. I don't give a shit if the people I work with—for look at me like I am shit and treat me like it because I am human-but I CANNOT deal with those vying and receiving your attention doing it."

"Lauren," guilt washing over her features, building within her dark, glassy eyes. "Tamsin, it was—"

"I don't want another justification; I don't need it because Bo honestly the best defenses you will ever receive are from me."

"I—I can't justify that-I see that now and honestly I didn't even really-I see it now." She nods her head—I know she gets it but it's too late. "You have to understand Lauren, I—I'm still learning to love—you're my first and I am so in love with you that it scares me—I don't know what I am doing because I've never been and I just make stupid mistakes. I—stumble and I fall but I am trying—I get that my trying has been shit but just give me a chance-I'm just starting to crawl right now—just wait—wait until I can walk." Her jaw trembles a bit as new tears begin to slip.

"I don't-we don't have enough time Bo,"

"What do you mean? We—we have all the time we want."

"**You do**-**you** have all the time that you want but me," I look away, eyes falling back on the nightstand drawer. "You forget what I am—who I am."

"What?"

"You forget I am human—you forget that I am enslaved."

"I **never** forget that." She snarls her words; she hated knowing that I belonged to someone—always has- the one consistent thing about her when it comes to me.

"You were just talking about traveling around the world-and endless time. Only traveling I can ever do is running."

"Th—then I'll run with you."

"Bo," I sigh.

"You have responsibilities and Kenzi."

"Kenzi will come too, you two have been bonding."

"Bo," I chuckle through a snort—she can be so naïve. "You expect her to leave her friends and life-leave Hale? She is in love with him—even if she hasn't realized that yet."

"She—"

"You would really make her chose between you and the man she loves?" I glare in disbelief. "She would chose you and be miserable and eventually you would resent me for it."

"Never—"

"Bo, you've been on the run before and you hated it. You love here because you have a home and a life, you would hate it."

"I wouldn't!"

"You would!"

"I wouldn't because I would be with you!" a sob follows her words as she runs her hands through her hair and turns away. "Anywhere Lauren, anywhere I will follow you."

"I can't do that too you Bo,"

"Then stay with me—for me."

"I have! Don't you get it! I stay because of you-I am still here because of you and only you Bo. Because I love you so damn much I would rather be a slave to people who think nothing more of me than the gum on the bottom of their shoes just so I can be with you. Just so I can make sure you are safe and okay-which is ironic because I couldn't really save you if you needed it."

"That's bullshit." She spins back around, taking a giant step toward me. "You-you save me every day. You save me every day from myself—from what I was and what I could turn into." She reaches out for my cheek.

"Bo—don't," I plead rather than order as I turn away. "I can't do this again,"

"That's fine because we aren't doing anything again-we are still together so technically this isn't an again." She chuckles softly. "I can't lose you Lauren-I won't. I see it now-I see how badly I've screwed up, I can admit maybe I was in a little bit over my head, that I know nothing at all about this relationship deal—I can admit this."

"Bo," I turn back to face her, taking shallow breaths.

"You can say my name all you want, you can cry and scream and tell me it isn't simple—make me feel smaller than I already do—but I am telling you right now that I refuse to lose you. So if we have to sit here all night and argue about this then so be it. If you want me to sit in the corner quietly while you scream at me then fine-but I **will not** lose you."

"What?" this time it's my turn to use her favorite word.

"I am in love with you and **I won't** give up on you, **I won't** say goodbye—so you may as well accept it and—"

"And what?" I snap taking a step toward her, mere inches between us.

"And-and," she trails off, eyes dancing over my face as mine do the same trying to understand her—understand what is happening-understand what I feel. "And—" she cuts herself off as her hands fly back up to my cheeks, lips covering mine. It's only a partially opened lipped kiss but it lingers, my hands returning to her wrists but I don't push her away this time.

"Stop it," I nearly beg tearing my lips from hers and pulling her hands from my face but I keep ahold of her wrists.

"Tell me you don't love me."

"I can't."

"Tell me you don't want to be with me."

"I can't."

"Tell me you don't think we are worth it."

"I can't."

"Then tell me—what I need to do to prove to you that I feel the same."

"It isn't that simple."

"It is to me, you tell me and I will do it. You want me to align myself to the Light so things are easier for us then so be it. You want me do some alpha smack down on Tamsin no problem. You want me to—to stop seeing Dyson all together then I will stop. If you want me starve myself then, well just prop me up somewhere when I finally collapse—it won't matter so long as I am with you."

"I want—"

"What?" she asks so eagerly, taking a deep breath as she just watches me nervously. "Anything."

"I want a date—a real date. I want us to have a real discussion about your past—about mine. I want us to celebrate our six months anniversary that passed a week ago. I want a weekend where it is just us, no Tamsin or Dyson or feeding-unless it's on me. I want to feel like your real girlfriend, I want to feel like you are in love with me."

"Th—that's it?" she asks so surprised.

"You do that Bo, you show me that these aren't just words-then we can discuss what boundaries need to be in place. Then we can discuss what a future looks like for us,"

"Boundaries-check. But our future—we don't need to discuss because I actually think I know what it holds." I raise an eyebrow. "Yep, it's a house with a white picket fence somewhere in the suburbs and I'm a cop—oddly and you're a doctor **still-**and we're gonna have a kid."

"Um," I chuckle softly, nodding as I try and figure out where this is coming from.

"It's—the Dawning—It's you know what—not important right now but," she steps back into me with this really big smile, hands moving to my waist and if I wasn't so confused I might have backed away—I think. "I'm just fucking thrilled I finally think I figured it out cause that was a mind trip like you wouldn't believe but," she shakes her head catching herself rambling. "Doesn't matter," she shakes her head again and catches my lips with her own.

It's a gentle and sweet kiss that lips only slightly part for -a kiss and a few sweet words followed by a weird but enticing rant doesn't erase anything.

The thousand cons, hundred '_friendly_' reminders along with my battle scars and fresh wounds are still very much here-words won't do anything for them but if she means those words, if she turns those words to into actions…God if she turns them into actions—the possibilities.

I can't help but smile as stray tears slip down my cheeks and suddenly she looks scared again, almost as much as when I first turned around to face her.

"Wh—what's wrong?" she asks almost in a panic and I just shake my head trying to force back the tears. "Lauren, say something."

"I just—I love you so much." This time my hands are on her cheeks pulling her into a kiss.

I went with the simple answer—she didn't need to know the rest of it. I didn't need to speak uncertain possibilities aloud—not now anyway.

They were still just silent hopes-silent prayers that would hopefully one day become a reality, but until then….

….I didn't need to say anything.


End file.
